For those that haven't read my blog post about a shitty time with a gynecologist, y'all should do so now.
As a sexually active woman, I take the necessary precautions to avoid STDs. I use condoms; I've DIYd dental dams; I get tested regularly. Let me restate that, I use condoms 100% of the time but I still get tested every 4-6 months. This is mostly because I'm paranoid and some STDs do not present noticeable symptoms.
This morning, I called my doctor's office to order blood work for an STD test since I hadn't had one since January. A couple hours later, I got a phone call from a nurse practitioner; not my primary care provider. First, she called to let me know that my primary care provider ordered the lab tests so I'd be all set to go into the lab and get the STD test done.
Then she launched into a lecture. And kept calling me sweetie. Here's some paraphrasing of that "conversation."
NP: Now, Lindsey, you're 21 years old.
Me: Yes, yes I am. Thank you for reminding me. This is the part where my extended family asks why I'm not married, but I'm guessing you aren't going to do that.
NP: Well, it's looking like your last STD test was in January and you had one before that in September. So it's looking like you might be engaging in some risky behaviors. Sweetie, are you protecting yourself?
Me: Yes, those are the last times I had STD tests (internal thought: you also forgot to mention the one last June...). And yes, I do use protection when I'm having sex.
NP: How?
Me: Well...the usual way...condoms...
NP: Every time?
Me: Yes. Unless I'm having sex with a woman, and in that case, no...
NP: Sweetie, if you're always using protection you don't need to get STD tests so often. Are you changing partners a lot?
Me: (thinking: define a lot...#polyamory...)I was always taught that even if you use condoms you should still get regularly tested, just in case. And yes, I do change partners (why does this now sound like square dancing?)
NP: Oh! Well, changing partners often is very risky. And I've never heard of getting tested even when using condoms, you know condoms are extremely effective...
Me: Yes, condoms are extremely effectively, however, I am cautious so I get tested. I'm not saying that...
NP: And you know, getting STDs are bad for women. Some of them can affect your fertility and you might not be able to have babies. And STDs can hurt a lot. You should really consider...
Me: Yes, I know what STDs do, I volunteer teaching contraception, so trust me, I am very well aware. In fact, that's how I know I should get tested regularly.
NP: Oh, well, I guess you would really know! And I'll double check with your primary care provider about getting tested so often...
Me: You do that. And how about you don't lecture people about their sexuality based on your assumptions?
NP: I wasn't trying to lecture you, sweetie, I'm just concerned.
Me: Your concern is condescending. Thank you for letting me know I can go get the tests.
Now, I understand why someone getting STD tests on a regular basis can look alarming on a health chart. I understand why I might receive a phone call to make sure I'm not having unprotected sex every four months. However, when I first called to ask for the tests, the woman I talked to asked if I had any recent exposure to STDs and I TOLD HER NO, THAT I WAS MERELY BEING CAUTIOUS AND WANTED TO MAKE SURE I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING.
Why on earth this random nurse practitioner felt the need to concern herself with the rest of my sexual habits was unnecessary and intrusive. She implied that I should be concerned about my future fertility. She fucking assumed that because I have a uterus, I will later want children. I DO NOT WANT CHILDREN. Of course, I'd rather get a tubal ligation than contract an STD to make me sterile. Also, she said absolutely nothing about the fact that I also have sex with people who are not men. She just danced right around that one. In fact, if she had actually engaged with the fact that I'm not straight, she might not have felt the need to lecture me about my future babymaking potential. And WHY THE FUCK DID SHE HAVE TO KEEP CALLING ME SWEETIE SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME. It's not endearing. It's condescending. Fuck, my own mother; hell, my own grandmother, doesn't call me "sweetie." Anyone that has met me could attest to the fact that I am not a person you call sweetie (the only person who calls me sweetie is my grandfather, and he is the only person allowed to do that). I am also concerned by the fact that this nurse practitioner doesn't think sexually active adults should be tested for STDs on a regular basis, even if they use condoms. What kind of dream world does she live in where everyone correctly uses condoms 100% of the time? I'm also NOT HER PATIENT. What. The. Fuck. If you're going to give me "health advice" at least be my doctor. Also, make sure your health advice isn't seeped in misogynistic, paternalistic judgement.
Yeah this kind of seems like a nutty overreaction. It is really, really, really unusual to get tested that often when always using protection. Even as you've transcribed it, it seems like any oddness in her manner was in response to that being so unusual, rather than your sex life. And of course she would assume you would be interested in the fertility of your uterus: half of the goal of gynecology is making sure the whole baby making apparatus functions, should it be called upon. She wasn't faxing you sperm bank info, Christ.
ReplyDelete1) Calling this a "nutty overreaction" is tone policing. Please read this: http://tooyoungforthelivingdead.tumblr.com/tone-policing
Delete2) It's unfortunate that it's that unusual because best practice is to get tested between partners even if there is a barrier method used because those methods can fail, be used improperly, and body fluids get everywhere. Since I'm not monogamous, I opt to get tested around every six months rather than between partners. This is for my own piece of mind.
3) As a woman of reproductive age, I get told to start popping about babies or to be thinking about popping about babies on a semi-regular basis. I don't appreciate being implicitly told to consider my reproductive future from someone that is not my doctor. Also, this was not a gynecologist and this was not coming from my gynecologist. (the title is simply because it's along the same theme as a previous post). While I understand the holistic approach to making sure that everything is healthy and functioning, it's frustrating to be reduced to my reproductive capacity. Especially since I plan on never using that function of my uterus.
Also, even if her intent was to show concern because of the "oddness" of the frequency of the testing, her impact (which is more important) was her being condescending and judgmental. She had unfounded assumptions and was very rude during my conversation with her (she kept interrupting me and wouldn't believe that I understood anything about contraception or safe sex until I told her about my volunteer work).
4) Just as a fun fact, gynecology actually started as an offshoot of eugenics as a way to find medical "proof" that women are inferior to men. So I'm already jaded when it comes to the "necessity" of gynecology. But that's a completely different story.
*peace of mind
DeleteDude, I'm pretty sure everyone within three degrees of separation with you has been made aware of what tone-policing is. Everybody gets to feel their feels, but that doesn't make everybody right. Especially when those feels go off into weird--I mean, repeating "nurse practitioner" like it's some kind of slight... Unless there is some omitted portion of this conversation that goes way further down to crazytown, her 'impact' reads as having been spontaneously generated by your own constellation of concerns. I've read through this like five times now and I really don't see much variance from how one would hope this kind of phone call would be conducted. Of course she has to assume you don't know the things she's supposed to be explaining to you. I really hope you're not out doing otherwise in your volunteer work.
DeleteJust spreading the good word about tone policing ;) especially to anonymous posters on blogs.
DeleteI repeat "nurse practitioner" because that's her job title. She isn't a doctor; a gynecologist; a medical assistant; random receptionist. I'm trying to be accurate, not slight her. If that's how it's read, that's incredibly unfortunate.
When she called, I was assuming that I'd be told I can get m test (which I was) and that's all. And I completely understand why should would assume I don't understand safe sex. However, it's the fact that I told her I understand it, and instead of dropping it, she kept lecturing. In my volunteer work, I first ask that students tell me what they understand about safe sex and then go from there. Assuming that people are completely ignorant is condescending. And calling me "sweetie." That's completely inappropriate and unprofessional.
Also, what's with calling my feelings weird? I am annoyed and irritated that this medical professional took time out of her day to call and lecture me about safe sex, after I already demonstrated my knowledge of safe sex and explained to her why I was getting tested.
Thanks for pushing back on my reaction.
Oh, and the point of the "impact" people have on people is that it is based on each person. For instance, if she had called someone else and gave them the same lecture, but if that person had less knowledge about safe sex it would have had a different impact. While I understand, that the NP wouldn't have known how her phone call would impact me, it's frustrating for a medical professional to attempt to have "personalized" health care (like these phone calls) without actually knowing the patient. Of course, that's a completely different topic for a different discussion at a different time.
I've experienced being patronized and condescended by a OBGYN (at home, and at school), and it's absolutely infuriating. My OBGYN calls me "hon", and says uh-huh after everything I say, as if it's not important, and just silly girl worries. Treating my like a child, undermines the fact that I am a grown woman, who came to the doc with grown woman questions about sex! the adult sex, I am actually having. it's so upsetting for a doctor to treat a patient as if she knows nothing about her body, or her actions. I hear you.
ReplyDeleteI think I've had that very same NP.
ReplyDelete