Morals and Gynecology

*Note: This entry will contain some details pertaining to my sexual life as it is relevant to my recent gynecology visit.

This morning I went to my gynecologist to discuss changing my birth control. Sounds easy right? And modern. "Look at that modern, independent young woman taking charge over her sex life!" Fuck yes.
As background, I've been on the Pill for 5 years and decided it was time to graduate from what I was taking as a teenager to control horrible cramps and acne. I went into the office looking to discuss the pros and cons of NuvaRing and an IUD. What I was not anticipating was being told to get married.

That's right. My gynecologist told me to get married. He (yes, my gynecologist is a dude) didn't start off the appointment with that, of course. There were the standard questions of why I want to switch (pills are hard to remember, I want something more effective) and why NuvaRing or an IUD (put it in and I can forget!, IUD is more effective, friends have said good things). Then we got to the fun part: questions regarding my sexual history. *The following conversation is not verbatim, it's what I remember. I don't go to my gynecologist with a tape recorder. Weird, I know.
Gyno: "Have you ever been pregnant?"
Me: "Nope"
Gyno: "Any plans to become so in the near future?"
Me: *laughs* and then notices look of disapproval and surprise from gyno "umm I mean, no"
Gyno: "What's your current relationship?"
Me: "Facebook would say complicated. I say sexually monogamous."
Gyno: "How many sexual partners have you had?"
Me: *number*
Gyno: "In the last five years?"
Me: *same number*
Gyno: "So, I ask all these questions because we aren't just concerned about pregnancy. It's not the only thing you can catch from sex. Do you know the most effective method of prevention?"
Me: *feeling like a 7th-grader* "Abstinence."
Gyno: "Right. You know, there's been a lot of research recently about how limiting the number of sexual partners makes women psychologically healthier. The more partners a woman has, the more likely she is to develop anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and a lower socioeconomic status"
Me: *inappropriate chuckling to make up for horror*
Gyno: "Now, we can't undo the past, but you can make up for it. Studies have shown that married people live longer than those who don't or stay in long term, committed relationships. Not getting married is the same as smoking 2 packs a day on your health. Women who get married are happy, healthier, and do better socioeconomically. Marriages do better if you don't have sex before and don't live together first. I would recommend that you find a guy you really like, not have sex, and then get married."
Me: *laughter is now hard to contain* "Well, that's...interesting. I'm actually writing my thesis on purity movements and how they are part of rape culture, so this is really fascinating."
Gyno: "I don't know what research you've done but a good book to read is The Case for Marriage. Now, in your case I don't feel entirely comfortable inserting an IUD because you're at a higher risk for STDs which are harder to treat with an IUD. But if you insist on an IUD, then I will still insert it."
Me: "I'm leaning toward an IUD just because it's more effective against pregnancy."
Gyno: "Ok, that's fine. Especially if you're in a monogamous relationship now."
And then boring medical things.

When I went to the doctor I wasn't anticipating a conversation I'd probably have with someone else's really conservative grandmother (my grandmother is awesome and doesn't tell me to get married). As a disclaimer, the number I didn't give in this blog is still in single digits and my gynecologist still implied that I'm too sexually active. Hmmm.
Now, for the ranting.
 First of all, how do you know what is going to make me psychologically happier? You don't know my emotions, my coping mechanisms, my views on sex and relationships, hell, you really don't know me. But you feel the need to pass judgement on me by using "research." (BTW, I haven't fact checked him yet). Should science/research really be dictating the decisions of women? Just because some university psychologists found that marriage or only have one sex partner is best for "women" does that mean we should listen? Also, which women? What are the demographics of these women?
Second, women do economically better in marriages because women still make less money than men. A two-worker household does better than one. That's math, not general health advice. I, personally, would rather get rid of the wage gap as opposed to get married.
Third, it seems like he is only ok with me getting an IUD because it looks like I've "settled down." Dafuq?
Fourth, yes, my decision to get an IUD was heavily influenced by him basically saying, "I think you're too slutty for this."
Fifth, At least he looked shocked and disgusted when I explained my thoughts on how abstinence is part of rape culture.
Sixth, he's a white, older man giving advice to a young, (seemingly) white woman. Hello, the 1950s.
Seventh, it's problematic that I still feel the need to yell, "MY NUMBER IS A SINGLE DIGIT! I'M NOT A SLUT!" Like, fuck. I'm still trying to deal with the fact that slut is still a stigma in my own mind when it really gets down to it. How do I overcome that?
Eighth, what do you mean we can't "undo the past?" Are you saying I should be ashamed of my past sexual experiences? Are you saying that what I've done is shameful? Also, because I've had sex in the past puts me at higher risk NOW for STDs? Dude, I've been tested. I'm clean. Those past sex-capades didn't give me anything. Why are you assuming that because I have what you deem to be a high number I am engaging in unsafe practices with a shit ton of people?
Ninth, as lovely as your concern is, by expressing it as you did you are merely perpetuating sexist ideas regarding female sexuality. I really don't need that in my life. I hope you don't give the same lecture to all your patients.
Tenth, Imma find a new gynecologist.