For those that haven't read my blog post about a shitty time with a gynecologist, y'all should do so now.
As a sexually active woman, I take the necessary precautions to avoid STDs. I use condoms; I've DIYd dental dams; I get tested regularly. Let me restate that, I use condoms 100% of the time but I still get tested every 4-6 months. This is mostly because I'm paranoid and some STDs do not present noticeable symptoms.
This morning, I called my doctor's office to order blood work for an STD test since I hadn't had one since January. A couple hours later, I got a phone call from a nurse practitioner; not my primary care provider. First, she called to let me know that my primary care provider ordered the lab tests so I'd be all set to go into the lab and get the STD test done.
Then she launched into a lecture. And kept calling me sweetie. Here's some paraphrasing of that "conversation."
NP: Now, Lindsey, you're 21 years old.
Me: Yes, yes I am. Thank you for reminding me. This is the part where my extended family asks why I'm not married, but I'm guessing you aren't going to do that.
NP: Well, it's looking like your last STD test was in January and you had one before that in September. So it's looking like you might be engaging in some risky behaviors. Sweetie, are you protecting yourself?
Me: Yes, those are the last times I had STD tests (internal thought: you also forgot to mention the one last June...). And yes, I do use protection when I'm having sex.
NP: How?
Me: Well...the usual way...condoms...
NP: Every time?
Me: Yes. Unless I'm having sex with a woman, and in that case, no...
NP: Sweetie, if you're always using protection you don't need to get STD tests so often. Are you changing partners a lot?
Me: (thinking: define a lot...#polyamory...)I was always taught that even if you use condoms you should still get regularly tested, just in case. And yes, I do change partners (why does this now sound like square dancing?)
NP: Oh! Well, changing partners often is very risky. And I've never heard of getting tested even when using condoms, you know condoms are extremely effective...
Me: Yes, condoms are extremely effectively, however, I am cautious so I get tested. I'm not saying that...
NP: And you know, getting STDs are bad for women. Some of them can affect your fertility and you might not be able to have babies. And STDs can hurt a lot. You should really consider...
Me: Yes, I know what STDs do, I volunteer teaching contraception, so trust me, I am very well aware. In fact, that's how I know I should get tested regularly.
NP: Oh, well, I guess you would really know! And I'll double check with your primary care provider about getting tested so often...
Me: You do that. And how about you don't lecture people about their sexuality based on your assumptions?
NP: I wasn't trying to lecture you, sweetie, I'm just concerned.
Me: Your concern is condescending. Thank you for letting me know I can go get the tests.
Now, I understand why someone getting STD tests on a regular basis can look alarming on a health chart. I understand why I might receive a phone call to make sure I'm not having unprotected sex every four months. However, when I first called to ask for the tests, the woman I talked to asked if I had any recent exposure to STDs and I TOLD HER NO, THAT I WAS MERELY BEING CAUTIOUS AND WANTED TO MAKE SURE I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING.
Why on earth this random nurse practitioner felt the need to concern herself with the rest of my sexual habits was unnecessary and intrusive. She implied that I should be concerned about my future fertility. She fucking assumed that because I have a uterus, I will later want children. I DO NOT WANT CHILDREN. Of course, I'd rather get a tubal ligation than contract an STD to make me sterile. Also, she said absolutely nothing about the fact that I also have sex with people who are not men. She just danced right around that one. In fact, if she had actually engaged with the fact that I'm not straight, she might not have felt the need to lecture me about my future babymaking potential. And WHY THE FUCK DID SHE HAVE TO KEEP CALLING ME SWEETIE SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME. It's not endearing. It's condescending. Fuck, my own mother; hell, my own grandmother, doesn't call me "sweetie." Anyone that has met me could attest to the fact that I am not a person you call sweetie (the only person who calls me sweetie is my grandfather, and he is the only person allowed to do that). I am also concerned by the fact that this nurse practitioner doesn't think sexually active adults should be tested for STDs on a regular basis, even if they use condoms. What kind of dream world does she live in where everyone correctly uses condoms 100% of the time? I'm also NOT HER PATIENT. What. The. Fuck. If you're going to give me "health advice" at least be my doctor. Also, make sure your health advice isn't seeped in misogynistic, paternalistic judgement.
