The last time I had multiple male friends I was five. And
then I went to elementary school where I was immediately informed of the
dangers of cooties. I never went back. The majority of my friends have been non-male identified
ever since. There’s always been the occasional one guy friend, but that was not
the norm.
Throughout high school and even into college there felt like
there was a pressure to have a better gender balance (assuming that we live in
a gender binary *vomit*) in my friend group. Like there is something wrong with
associating almost exclusively with non-male identified people.
So here is my case for not having male-identified friends as
a female-identified person.
1. It is mother fucking exhausting.
I’m not saying that all men are
misogynists or sexist. I am saying that a good number of men are pretty blind
to their male privilege and how it affects people who are not men. It’s tiring
to call them out. It’s draining to be in the presence of all that privilege
especially when we already live in a patriarchal world.
2. I hate explaining my experiences.
Like really hate it. Especially if
someone then decides to argue with me about my experience. Here is some sample
dialogue:
Me:
Ugh, this guy in class was totally mansplaining at me earlier about…
Man: Are you sure he was
mansplaining? I think you’re taking this gender thing too far. Just because a
man explains something doesn’t make it ‘mansplaining’
Me: *face palm*
The great thing about hanging out
with women is that (most of the time) they understand my experiences and have
had similar ones (at least when it comes to gender, that is definitely not true
for other intersections of identity).
3. I really hate censoring myself.
Things I like to talk about
include: vaginas, cramps, sexism, birth control, sex, my thesis, swear
words, etc. I also talk about these
things from a very (and I mean very) female perspective. Because I hate explaining my experiences, I'd rather just avoid talking about certain things. It's shitty and I hate it. Also, when it comes to
IUDs and how much I like the word “cunt,” I give very little fucks about a male
POV. Mostly because I get the male POV about every fucking thing every fucking
day because patriarchy. Sometimes, I just want to bask in the world according to
women. And by sometimes I mean like 98% of the time.
4. Explaining my sexuality is also fucking exhausting,
especially to men.
“What’s pan? Does that mean you
have sex with everyone?” or my favorite response: “If you like girls too, does
that mean we can have a threesome?” or this “But you’re straight for me, right?”
Ok, so the last two are from men I’ve fucked, but it’s the same idea. Again
this doesn’t apply to all men, but les-be-honest, a lot of straight men just
don’t get the different flavors of sexual orientation. And when they try to
they look at it in a very self-centered fashion. If she identifies as this,
what does that mean for me? You know what bro, the entire fucking world does
not revolve around you.
Also, if you, reader, are now like “But
wait! If you have all these problems with male-identified people why do you
still have sex with them?”
My response to that is: go read a
fucking book. Maybe one that has to do with pansexuality. I’ll be the first to
admit that I don’t always pick winners, so I have fucked my share of sexist
assholes. But sometimes sexist assholes are pretty so…
5. I’m no one’s mother.
I can’t be the only woman who has
had this problem where men you are close to are suddenly looking to you to take
care of them. You’re a girl and you’re my friend so that means you’ll take care
of me like my mom, right? No. No, it doesn’t. Fuck you.
Also, Taylor from my high school
art class, just because I’m friendly to you and can knit does not mean I will
knit you mother fucking slippers. Go to Target you lazy ass.
There are probably more, but these are the ones that I can think of right now.
