In case you've never met me before, let me come out real quick: I'M PANSEXUAL!
woo, glad we got that out of the way.
Now, I'm sure you're asking yourself, "What is pansexuality and how is it different from bisexuality?" You, my friend, are not alone. In fact, I ask myself this on a semi-regular basis. The answer I'm about to give, is true for me and my identity. I'm in no way answering for other pansexuals and bisexuals. This is simply how I identify and understand it after my own self-reflection and research.
The way I understand it and identify is that bisexuality is the umbrella term for non-monosexual identities. Non-monosexual identities are sexualities like polysexual, pansexual, and omnisexual. These are different from monosexualities such as heterosexual and homosexual. Basically, non-monosexual identities are those that are sexually attracted to more than one gender. Bisexuality is the historical term for these identities as it was assigned to us a long way back by researchers (similar to the history of homosexuality).
Pansexuality is my personal identifier. While I exist under the bisexual umbrella, I identify as pansexual. As a pansexual, I am sexually attracted to all gender identities. Someone who identifies as bisexual can also be sexually attracted to all gender identities, but just choose to identify as bisexual. They aren't wrong. Deciding how to label your sexuality is your own choice and there's no wrong way to do that. Anyone who says otherwise needs to reexamine why they're telling people how to identify - because, in the most basic terms, that shit isn't cool.
Now, here's the fun part: why I prefer to identify as pansexual and not bisexual. The answer is internalized biphobia. When I was first figuring out that I wasn't straight (which is how I identified for a long time while in my closet), I immediately pushed away from bisexuality. I believe my 15 year old thought process went like, "I'd rather just be a lesbian than bisexual." Now, let's think about why 15 year old Lindsey pushed against a bisexual identity. I rejected bisexuality because of the monosexist messages that society sent me.
For those that don't know what monosexism is, a simple definition is the normalization of monosexual identities while invalidating and invisibilizing non-monosexuality. Monosexism is the prevalent thought that you're either gay or you're straight; that bisexuals are really just confused and will eventually "pick a team."
If you think about it, bisexuals get a pretty shitty rep. They get accused of reinforcing the gender binary because of the widespread myth that all bisexuals are attracted to men and women and no one else. Bisexual women have to deal with the fetishization of their sexuality leading to the mentality that bisexual women exist for heterosexual male pleasure. Bisexual men are practically invisible and told that they can't exist. Bisexuals are portrayed as duplicitous, greedy, and promiscuous. These are the stereotypes I first encountered as a teenager and internalized as true. These are things I actively work on unlearning.
As a person that identifies as a political bisexual and personal pansexual, I experience monosexism everyday. And I really love making lists. So, here's a list of Everyday Monosexism!
1. Assuming someone is straight or gay/lesbian.
I do it too. In a monosexist world we rarely look at someone and think they could be bisexual. I work on actively not assuming someone's sexuality - you end up looking like an idiot. Although, it can be fun to mess with this mentality. Whenever I encounter someone and they immediately read me as straight, I then go out of my way to confuse their perception of my sexuality. For instance, if they start asking me about a "boyfriend" I start using the word "partner." Occasionally (and if I'm bored), I'll tone down my femme around the person that thought I was straight, just to see if they'll still read me that way.
2. Asking if a bisexual likes to have threesomes.
Looking at you, straight dudes. The amount of men that suddenly think it's appropriate to ask me about threesomes (have you had one? can we have one?) is disgustingly appalling. I blame porn. It portrays girl-on-girl from the male gaze; as something that exists only for men. So, when a girl tries to make out with her girlfriend in public, a bunch of dudes think it's hot and for them. Dear straight men, not everything is for you. Also, I doubt you'd even know what to do in a threesome.
3. Straight dudes asking if they can watch
So, I'm not sure how prevalent this one is, but it happens to me a lot. Some straight guy asks if we can have a threesome and I shoot him down. He then thinks it's appropriate to ask if he can watch me make out/fuck another girl. WHAT THE HELL. NO. This is just another example of straight dudes thinking that female bisexuality exists for them. It doesn't.
4. Bisexuals need attention.
This relates back to dudes getting all excited about watching two girls make out. These guys think that all girls that make out with each other are doing it for attention. Newsflash: we're not. But on a less creepy level, I've come out as bisexual and heard the response (whispered, behind my back): "I don't know why she needs to tell us that. She must want attention." Um, I need to tell you that because you kept asking if I have a boyfriend and talking about boys and acting like I'm straight.
5. Bisexuals are immature.
We hear it all the time. That we'll eventually pick a side. That we're only confused and too scared to come out of the closet. We don't want to commit to serious relationships so we're bi (no, really, I've heard this).
6. Bisexuals are slutty cheaters.
Just because we're attracted to more than one gender doesn't mean we feel the need to have sex with everyone all the time. Like, holy shit, I don't get it. Do monosexuals feel the need to fuck every person of the gender they're attracted to all the time? I just don't understand the thought process of, "Oh, she's bi. So she must want to have sex with everyone 24/7." That sounds exhausting. Also, monosexuals can be promiscuous. Anyone can have lots and lots of sex. That isn't just for bisexuals. Isn't monosexism starting to sound mighty puritanical?
7. Bisexuals are polyamorous.
Not all bisexuals are polyamorous. Bisexuals are just as capable of monogamy as a monogamous monosexual. Now, as a bi/pansexual that is polyamorous, I'd like to request that all monogamous monosexuls stop assuming that I'm polyamorous because I'm bi or that I'm bi because I'm polyamorous. Nope. Nope, not at all. If you keep doing that I'm just going to assume that all monosexuals are monogamous with monosyllable names and have mononucleiosis. Because that's just as ridiculous.
8. Bisexuals are disease-riddled.
Speaking of mono...So from my understanding, this myth is largely related to the AIDs epidemic. Bisexual men were/are blamed for bringing AIDS into the heterosexual community while bisexual women are blamed for bringing AIDS to the lesbian community. It's really fucked up to blame a disease on an entire sexuality of people (this is also true for the fucked up ban on men who have sex with men from donating blood). Not all bisexuals have STIs. ANYONE CAN HAVE AN STI. As such, everyone should get tested at least once a year (as recommended by Planned Parenthood) and before they start having sex with a new partner. Being bisexual does not mean that we have unprotected sex and spread disease. Anyone can do that.
9. Bisexuals can't be harmed by homophobia.
For some reason, monosexuals think that bisexuals aren't hurt by homophobic slurs. For instance, I was discussing that whole Duck Dynasty fiasco back in December (when that one guy was saying gays will burn in hell), and the person I was talking with was super confused as to why I was offended. Because apparently, there's a footnote in the Bible saying that bisexuals won't suffer the same damnation.
10. Bisexuals don't exist.
Monosexuals tend to forget that bisexuals aren't straight. This has been called "straight passing privilege" but I prefer to call it "bierasure." Yes, bisexuals pass as straight, but for most out bisexuals, that isn't something they actively choose. It's assumed. It erases our bisexuality. On the flip side, bisexuals can also pass as homosexual depending on who they are with. For instance, one of my pan friends and I went out for sushi and fro-yo one night. Now, she wears her hair really short and passes as a lesbian. As a femme, I pass for straight like 99% of the time. Together, we look like a lesbian couple. But we're not. This is also bierasure.
