One Word. Three Letters.

Sex.
Three letters. One word.
Sex.
So much meaning. Meaning that we, as humanity - worse, as organized humanity aka society - give it.
Sex.
It doesn't naturally spark the curiosity of children.
The actual act is not that interesting.
It's the secrecy.

When I was six I got into trouble for yelling "sex" in the gym during lunch. I wasn't allowed to go to recess. Instead, I sat against the gym wall to reflect on what I had done. I didn't reflect then, but I think I'm making up for it.
I yelled "sex" because kids had been whispering it. They said it was dirty word - worse than shit. I knew - abstractly - what sex was. I did not understand why it was bad. There was nothing in the mechanics that seemed particularly "dirty" in the 6 year-old sense of the word. I was convinced it was not actually a bad word, and to prove my point I yelled it as loud as I could, utterly certain that I would not be reprimanded.

I still don't think sex is dirty. The actual act of two people getting each other off isn't "dirty" (unless you're outside or have an aversion to cleaning). It IS sweaty, awkward, sticky, smells weird, and a slew of other uncomfortable adjectives.
We make sex dirty. We make it secret and forbidden.
Why?
In some form, we all have sex. We all have lewd thought & wet dreams; we all (or should) masturbate; at some point, we all have sex with another person. We know our parents had sex, the awkward couple with the ugly baby had sex, and (God forbid) even Ronald Reagan had sex. It happens. At some point we accidentally witness other people having sex, whether it be due to poor timing or an internet pop-up or a bad Google search. Point is, sex is everywhere. So why do we keep it hidden away? Why are we so restrictive about sex?
I want sex to be appropriate. I want it to be accepted as dinner conversation. I want it to be less important as a concept. I want sex to be elevator talk! Let's replace "What do you think of the weather?" with "How's your sex life?" Let's ask about preferred sex the same way we inquire about someone's favorite cuisine - spicy Cajun or rich French?
Yes, at first, we will blush - but, hell, you're already buying a blush called "Orgasm" at Sephora.

How class affects feminist solidarity

I grew up working class, so I have a pretty good idea of how sexism and feminism work into the life of low-income, white girl growing up in a single parent household. I have no idea how it works for rich girls, or as they like to call themselves "financially secure." Due to this inability, I will give my observations and how these girls affect women like me.
First off, I call them girls, not women. I believe that women who have lived difficult lives in our capitalist society have gone through hardships that have transformed them into women. I see no evidence of this for rich girls.
I work. My mother works. My grandmother worked. We all work. We work and constantly work to reach some semblance of "financially secure." I live paycheck to paycheck. I am careful with my money. It makes you grow up. I don't understand girls who spend money on manicures, their hair, or expensive and revealing clothing. I don't understand.
I'm sure not all of these girls are so frivolous. I'm sure there are some out there who do not beg daddy for a new car or cable or an apartment because they can't just deal with living with other people. It gives them anxiety.
I'm gonna be real, moving into a dorm was the nicest I've ever lived. It was the first time I never worried about the electricity getting shut off. I didn't have to worry about gang activity, seedy drug deals, or someone slashing my tires for fun.
Excuse me as I just don't understand how living in such wonderful conditions is just too stressful for you. You're too worried about someone stealing your things so you don't feel safe. What's worse is that if you knew my socio-economic background, you probably would have blamed me for your misplaced items.
I don't understand.
Not all rich girls are spoiled. I was a scholarship student at a private Evangelical school. I saw rich girls. I was friends with a lot of rich girls. I met girls who legitimately grew into mature, independent women. I see fewer of these women in college. My scope is skewed of course to sorority life, so I will make the generalization that I have yet to meet a rich girl who grew up into an accomplished, deep, mature woman.
I see girls that are trying. And I love them for that. However, they have not grown up. They are still spoiled. They still don't understand why some of us don't have checkbooks because we can't afford them. They don't understand that I work so much because I have to pay for my dues, my tuition, for my life. It isn't resume fluff. It's out of necessity.
I can't spring break with you. I can't go on weekend Vegas trips. I can't.
So when you whine about how you just want to go to Vegas for a weekend and blow some money, I'm not empathetic. When you complain that people call you a spoiled bitch, I am not sorry for you. I've been called worse. You are not financially secure. Daddy paying for you does not make you financially secure in any adult sense of the word.
The day your electricity gets turned off in the middle of December, I'll start to care. When you live off of ramen noodles for 2 months because your family can't afford anything else, I'll start to care. When people talk about how great it is that you're so crafty but you don't dare tell them it's because you've spent half your life making other people's shit look nice, I'll begin to have empathy.
The day you use daddy's money for good, I won't call you a spoiled bitch. When I see you take financial responsibility, I won't call you a spoiled bitch.
When I was younger, I helped my mom clean people's houses so we could afford gas. We were hired by people like you. You thought it was charity to hire a single mom and her daughter. You thought it was charity to give me your old hand me downs. But you don't think it's humiliating. You don't think that there's a larger problem with society. You live in ignorance. Until you try to understand, I will start to give a shit about your bourgeoisie problems.
Until that day comes, I can't. I'm too busy trying to make myself financial secure to listen to you whine.

It's fucking, so stop calling it something cute.

I really love the word "fuck." It's subversive and surprising and construes far more emotion than most words I know. I especially like "fuck" to describe sex. "Fuck" is a far better substitute than other terms and phrases.
Like making love. What the hell does that mean? Sex is not contingent on love. Sex is a physical act. It's like saying that you need to be happy to go for run. That doesn't make sense.
The ambiguous "it." What is it? Also, how old are we? Really? If you can't say sex, you shouldn't be having sex.
The "nasty." Ugh. Sex, when you think about it, is gross. When you are having sex, you probably shouldn't be thinking that it's nasty. Why would you willingly subject yourself to something "nasty?" Maybe I just don't get it, but it's annoying.
The "deed" Which deed? It makes sex sound like an obligation. Or like a contract. Are you selling property or are you fucking? I'm confused.
Smash. No. Just no. Saying that two peopled smashed sounds like two people ran at each and literally smashed into each other. It's a three year old's description of sex. Things can and do get smashed in the process of sex, but that should not be the defining aspect of sex. Also, smashed is for when you drink too much. Which can lead to sex, but again this should not define sex. And if exessive drinking is so involved in your fucking experiences, you should re-evaluate your choices.
Going to bed with. Beds, like love, are not necessary for sex. They make it comfortable, but it's inaccurate to call sex going to bed with. If we wanted to make it accurate, I could say I went to couch with him. Or floor. Or counter. You get it.
Staying the night. You don't always stay the night when you have sex. You don't always have sex at night. Also, what if you just legitimately stayed the night? Like slept on your alleged sex partner's couch. How would you describe that. You can't say you stayed the night because suddenly y'all had a lot more fun than you really did.
I use fuck. Or sex. Fuck is crass. It gets to the nitty gritty of it. Fuck describes the actual power relations at work. Sex is a power struggle. Traditionally it is thought that men are the active, power players in sex. But women have a powerful role too. Especially if she is active. Sex is two (or more) people equally trying to attain pleasure and give another pleasure. This is inherently messy. You work together and try to make it good for everyone involved. Anytime you work with people to increase mutual happiness, it gets disorganized and you end up just wanting to say "fuck." Fuck. We fucked. We are fucking. It's casual. It's direct. When you say you are fucking, there is an immediate image that comes to mind. It isn't anything cute like "making love" or "going to bed." It isn't mysterious like "it." It doesn't reek of old booze like "smash" or "nasty." If the sex you are having is more intimate than fucking, then call it something else. If you are legitimately making love, than call it that. Just be aware of what you are calling what.

Why I am a feminist

I identify strongly with being a feminist. This is mostly because I really despise being told what to do. I especially hate being told what I can and cannot do based on something arbitrary, such as my sex. My sex does not give anyone the authority to dictate my behavior.
The first time I noticed that I wasn't supposed to do something based on my sex was also the first time I ever took action against it. I was in youth group, not really paying attention to anything because I was forced to be there. We broke up into small groups, because apparently the only way teenagers learn is in small groups. And as what happens in small groups, someone decides to play leader. Now, in youth group, no one fights each other for the leadership role. No one actually wants to facilitate a discussion in youth group. In my group, there was one guy who was really excited to be leader so we threw the position at him. He started us off the way most people who shouldn't be leaders do, he tried his hand at comedy: "Now ladies, you just sit back and let us men handle the discussion."
The polite response in this case is to politely giggle. I don't really giggle and apparently I wasn't raised politely, so I did not politely giggle. Instead, I did one of the rudest things imaginable: I just stared. It wasn't just any stare, it was an offended stare. Offended stares scream: LOOK AT ME! I'M OFFENDED! No one can ignore a screaming face, so naturally every face in my small group was turned toward me. Our overly enthusiastic leader, tried to make amends: "No, I was kidding! It's funny, right?" I thought my screaming face was also screaming that I didn't find him funny. Since this message wasn't getting through, I used my voice: "No, it isn't." And the next thing I knew I was leaving. I was down the stairs and in the foyer of the church, outside the sanctuary waiting for my mom to get out of Bible study. I had no idea how I had left. I didn't make a conscious decision, I just did it. Nike just took over my body. I tried to look less like a suspicious loiterer, skipping youth group as I waited. I read the prayer requests. I pretended to read my teen study Bible. Finally, my mom came out of Bible study and I melodramatically announced: "I'm never coming back here again." She didn't argue, as she was used to my over dramatic tendencies.
While my mom was fine to drop the incident and not ask questions as to why I refused to go to church again, I couldn't drop the situation. I started looking for every other instance of someone telling me that girls can't do things. I was convinced that the Youth Group Incident was not isolated.
My first discovery was in sports. Why had my mother put me in ballet, gymnastics, ice skating, sports that required spandex, glitter, and occasionally tulle. She put me in princess-y sports while she put my brother in T-ball and basketball. Even as I got older, I apparently couldn't quit spandex because I moved on from ballet to volleyball but kept the gymnastics. What makes these sports feminine? Is it because it's easy to sell gymnastics as sexy? It's a bunch of physically fit girls wearing spandex leotards demonstrating athleticism as well as grace, poise, and flexibility. I didn't realize gymnastics was considered such a "feminine" sport until I got to college and started playing rugby. Suddenly I was considered more masculine. Why? Because I hit people and wore men's shorts? Even rugby, though, is starting to be more sexualized. There are commercials of women rugby players in tiny spandex shorts and crop tops. Why must we sexualize women's sports? Even when women are being active they must also look sexy and desirable.
We ingrain this idea into women from a young age. When I was a toddler, I had my first ballet recital and was incredibly ill. However, since I wasn't throwing up, my mom was taking me to that recital. I remember feeling absolutely disgusting as my grandmother put my hair into a ballerina bun and hairsprayed the shit out of it. I remember feeling a little better as the bristles of her make up brushes tickled my face. Everything was going to be ok because I was pretty. Even if I felt horrible and didn't want to do anything but go to sleep, I was pretty so the recital and ultimately life would be great. Our looks tell the world more about ourselves than anything we could ever say. Why do we believe this? And more importantly, why do we perpetuate it in our judgments and actions?

apparently I talk too much

After listening to me bitch about feminist things for awhile, I was finally told to make a blog. After being told multiple times to make a blog, I decided to listen. Mostly because I realized I'm saying a lot of the same things a lot...so I'm not being a fantastic conversationalist. Also, I just think EVERYONE should share in my musings and even contribute.
I titled this blog "Feminist Rantings of the Non-Feminist Generation" because almost all the women I know say things like "I'm not a feminist but I agree with equality." Yeah, honey, you're a feminist. I think my generation (i.e. 90s babies who came of age in the 2000s) have a lot to say and contribute to feminism, but for some reason won't identify with any form of feminism.
To start with, I'm not one of those "I'm not a feminist but" people. I'm a politics and Women's/Gender studies major so I'm pretty vocal about my feminism. I just want to to point out that feminism is everywhere. Which is why I now blog...