This is a response to the article (if you really want to call it that) "20 Things Women Do That Should be Shamed, not Celebrated" on the website Return of Kings.
1. Understanding their sexuality. Sexuality is weird. It's complicated and messy trying to figure out what turns you on or what doesn't. If you are into having a partner or partners, trying to convey your desires is also super complicated. Especially if you are trying to communicate in a way that doesn't sound like a medical textbook. You want to know what helps people figure out sex (in the broadest sense of the term) and their sexuality? Practice. Solo practice, practice with a friend, practice with multiple friends, visualization, talking about it (with everyone), reading about it, watching it; the list can go on. Engaging with sexuality is something that should be celebrated. But instead, vagina havers especially, get slut shamed for experiencing their sexuality. If someone's sexuality deviates from "normal" sexuality (e.g. foot fetishes) they are mocked.
2. Loving their body no matter its size. Ok, I'm really fucking sick of hearing about/reading about how fat women loving their body are just putting on a brave face or other such nonsense. Let's break out of the mindset that beauty is a size 0. Let's fucking stop pinning thinspiration bullshit. Can we also stop posting about going to the gym or "clean" eating on Facebook? Working out and eating healthy are ONE WAY to love your body and that's great! Just don't do it to the detriment of people who love their bodies in other ways. For instance I love my body by spending as much time as possible naked (either alone or with others). Now, I could eat some kale whilst naked but I probably still wouldn't post about it on Facebook. And as a disclaimer, I regularly practice naked yoga but I don't tell the whole world (except for right now). So, I guess a compromise is that those of us who love our bodies in non-conventional ways that don't involve organic food or lifting/cardio, we should probably post about it on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Pinterest more. Let's (equally) celebrate all the ways to love our bodies!
3. Loving food and admitting it. We live in a world where it's appropriate to be a "foodie" about certain foods or you can acclaim that being skinny tastes better than any food. Let's celebrate all food! In an ideal world, I can claim that I am a foodie about Oreos without people asking me if I know what a foodie is. Bitch, I know what a foodie is. And I know I fucking love Oreos. I try all the varieties of Oreos. I have social gatherings where all we do is try different kinds of Oreos (and no, we aren't stoned). Let's celebrate all the different foods that people love and not shame them by saying that they have immature tastes. *Also, I have always and still attest that Kraft Mac n Cheese is the best thing in this world.* And if someone from Nabisco or Kraft would like to pay me for this free advertising, I would greatly appreciate it. After all I'm so poor that all I eat are Oreos and Kraft Mac n Cheese.
4. Knowing when to ask for help. If there's one thing I kept from my evangelical, Bible reading days is that pride will fuck up a motherfucker (it's in the New Testament, look it up). Now, I won't go so far as to say that we should rely on a patriarchal construction of a deity to fix our problems, but asking for help from others or through welfare isn't a bad thing. Let's stop shaming single moms receiving food stamps because she apparently can't raise her own kids. Bitch, she probably is raising her own kids; being on food stamps does not mean that the fucking government is suddenly the baby daddy. Let's celebrate asking for help when we need it, even with little things (like when you don't understand your statistics homework).
5. Family! In all the ways that you can configure a family. Single parents, guardians, adoption, same-sex parents, siblings raising siblings, that weird conglomerate of friend/family that you form in your twenties, etc. Having love and support around you is a beautiful thing and makes life a lot less shitty. We shouldn't be shaming "non-traditional" families. We should celebrate that there are people in our lives who will love us no matter how much we fuck up. Because that's beautiful.
6. Stay At Home Parents. Stay home parents get a lot of shit. For some reason stay at home dads are either valorized or mocked. Stay at home moms are largely mocked and then held to some kind of weird housewife standard. It's like we forgot that these people are dedicating their lives to raising their kids and creating a safe and loving home environment. So stop shitting on them.
7. Self-Expression in whatever form. If you express yourself by wearing the entire MAC counter, go for it because I love what you're doing with your eyeliner (seriously, I have no idea how you do what you do and I'm in awe). If it means that you puffy paint the shit out of Dollar Tree mugs, go you! If you like to wear cat ears and a tail on days that aren't Halloween, you rock! Stop fucking shaming people because they don't express themselves like you do. I'd also challenge you to think if you are really expressing yourself by wearing those UGGS (and if you are, that's awesome! Your feet look so comfy!).
8. PETS! Going to college makes you miss pets. Pets are great companions. They cuddle with you and don't talk back (assuming that you have a cat or dog). Stop shaming people who "collect" cats. They just want companions and let's be honest, probably don't give a single fuck about what you think because they are fucking cat people and probably don't really like interacting with most people (which is an over generalization, but as a cat person I'm gonna stick to it until I meet a cat person who proves me wrong).
9. People who make, star in, and/or watch feminist porn. Now, I am in the "not all porn is bad" camp. I think that there are creative and innovative ways to "do" porn without it being misogynistic or violent. So, yes, let's shame mainstream porn and its fucked up standards and message. But let's celebrate the feminist porn which helps out all those visual, sexually active people (and people who want some creative sex ideas).
10. People who use birth control! I LOVE BIRTH CONTROL! I love: the shot, the implant, vaginal rings, condoms (male and female), IUDs, the Pill, the patch, EC, dental dams, and the research and development going into male "birth control." So I quoted the "birth control" after male because people keep forgetting that male condoms are technically birth control. Which is why I get pissed off when people talk about how unfair it is that men don't get birth control. Bro, you do. In fact, it's arguably the easiest to access birth control around. And it protects against STDs and HIV. If my IUD also protected me from STDs and HIV I WOULD BE SO FUCKING ECSTATIC THAT I WOULD TALK IN CAPS LOCK FOR A WEEK. Let's celebrate people who take charge of their reproductive life! Which means we shouldn't call them sluts and whores *cough Rush Limbaugh* (but I will say that I still enjoy calling the Pill "whore pills" out of spite).
11. People who don't give a fuck about body hair. And I mean outside of No Shave November. As a habitual body hair shaver, I give mad props to people who don't shave. I've been working on letting the whole hairy legs/pubic mound (because you don't fucking shave your vagina it's anatomically difficult/impossible)/armpits be a facet in my life, but I really like how my legs feel after I shaved (amongst other things...). Let's stop giving women shit when they don't shave their legs or other body parts. It's their fucking body, and they can shave if they want to.
*Honorary mention for people who don't give a fuck about other people's body hair.
12. People who are ballsy enough to take online dating seriously. I am someone who takes online dating not seriously (like I should probably just delete my account because I'm distracting from the people who actually want a relationship via the internet). Being so dedicated and understanding yourself well enough to know that you want a relationship and you will get one with whatever means necessary (just don't go all Kathy Bates in Misery, thanks) means being in a vulnerable place. People who online date are putting themselves out their hoping to find love (or a one night stand sometimes). Stop making fun of them (so I really should delete my account). Encourage them because in the end we are all just swimming around hoping to find someone who can tolerate us long enough to have sex and maybe stick around for awhile (I'm sooooo romantic).
13. Having a healthy body image. Yes, this goes back to loving your body. This also means not abiding by society's ideas of what "toned" looks like. And also loving your body no matter what it looks like because it's fucking easier to love your body when it looks like societal perfection.
14. Being brave enough to leave a shitty relationship. You know what fucking sucks, realizing that you can't tolerate someone any longer even though you might be comfortable/have kids with that person/split rent in a really great apartment. You have to fucking start over. It's like when you get half way up to your apartment and you live on the fourth floor of a walk up just to realize that you left your purse in the car (Ok, so maybe break ups and divorce have more of an emotional punch). It takes energy and effort to leave someone. And if you actually love(d) them, it takes a lot of emotional energy. Let's respect the choice to end a relationship because chances are they aren't doing it for funsies.
15. Stepping up to take care of kids...especially when they aren't their own. As someone who fucking hates humans under the age of 10 (oooohhh it's such a cute baby, can I give it back to its owner now?), people who raise other people's kids, especially if they aren't blood related, is pretty fucking amazing. They are committing their life to a vulnerable, little human being that they, as the adult, have the responsibility to raise to make sure it isn't completely fucked up. *applause*
16. People who like to have a good time. Because they are creating jobs for people who work as bartenders, bouncers, DJs, taxi drivers, shot glass makers, tequila distilleries (how is tequila made?), Forever 21, Axe (ok, maybe that isn't good, but it's a job for someone), etc. These people have created an entire industry. Capitalism thanks you. They are also really great at cheering up the people who are brave enough to leave a shitty relationship. Of course, this should be celebrated as long as these people are safe and healthy in their actions. I'm not celebrating Jersey Shore.
17. People who try new things with their hair. Dude, they can be stuck with that for a long ass time depending on what they do to their hair. Yeah, hair grows back, but slowly and usually awkwardly.
18. People with standards. Not people with entitlement problems, but people with standards. Who know what they expect and what they deserve. This requires self-reflection and a deep thought process. It also takes a nice set of ovaries (let's stop using balls to mean bravery...) to demand that their standards be met. Don't shame people for being assertive about their needs. Celebrate them for knowing who they are.
19. People who enjoy sex no matter what country they are in. Not people who engage in "sex tourism" a la human sex trafficking. That's fucked up and needs to be stopped. I'm talking about meeting a great person in Sweden, hooking up with them, and then maybe continuing to exchange e-mails (that last part is so not required). Let's face it, these people have managed to overcome fear of not knowing someone superrrr well, trusting them not to be a serial killer (which is always a toss up no matter what country you're in), and then engaging in sexual activity with a potential language barrier (just make sure you've got the basics covered like "No" "Yes" "There" "Please" and "Clitoris").
20. Intersectional Feminists. Because they actively try to smash patriarchy, end oppression, and have to deal with a ton of bullshit at the same time.
