poly/bi/pan??!?!?!

Today, I've taken on the daunting task of recording (and responding) all the fucked up shit I get told about my sexuality on a fairly regular basis.
If you'd like some mood music for your reading, I recommend this playlist on 8tracks.

1. "What's pansexual?"
A: I get asked this ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. Do I look like Google? Am I Wikipedia? No, no I am not. Go watch this Laci Green video. And leave me alone.

2. "Does that mean you're attracted to everyone?" 
A: This is usually asked with concern like "Are you the Energizer Bunny? How do deal with that much lust?" or is asked suggestively. So, first off, if you're asking me this I'm probably not attracted to you (trust me, I'm not subtle when I try to pick someone up). But if I do think you're hot: Well, like the Energizer Bunny, I have been known to go all night long ;) 
(See what I mean about not subtle?) 

3. "You'll never have a sustainable relationship like that."
A: You mean I'll never have a sustainable relationship with you. I'm heartbroken.
Oh, and monogamy has been working out soooo well (cough 50% divorce rate cough). And you don't know my life or my partners or my future (if you do know my future, we should chat).

4. "How do you expect men to respect you if you act like such a skank?"
A: Well, by treating me like a sexually active (ok, very sexually active) person. Emphasis on the person. Respecting people has nothing to do with sexual history or partners. Anyone who is basing their respect for me on my sex life is not a person I respect. I want people in my life that respect me for my ideas, my strength, my character (which lol isn't dependent on my sexuality), and me as a whole person.
Obvi, you're jelly of my sex life :)

5. "So....do you wanna have a threesome?" -every straight dude that has tried to get into my pants
A: Not with you :)

6. "Aren't you basically just bi?"
A: No :) 

7. "What about any kids you'll have?"
A: Ew. Who said I was having kids? Wait are you pregnant with my baby? I know I'm not pregnant. I'm pretty sure you care about my hypothetical children more than I do.

8. "How many people have you fucked?"
A: None of your goddamn business :)

9. "Does being pan mean that you want to fuck everything? Like not just people?"
A: No. Sit down. Stop talking. Queer =/= bestiality/pedophilia/etc. 

10. "But there are only 2 genders..."
A: Go take a Gender Studies class. 

11. "So does that mean you're a cheater?"
A: No. Cheating is when someone has sex with another person without their partner knowing. Polyamory is an agreement between partners based on consent and trust. Try reading The Ethical Slut if you're interested in learning more.

12. "But  I thought all poly people were like ugly couples, but you're, like, hot...."
A: And I thought that all monogamous, straight dudes were close-minded, shallow, bigots, but you're, like, oh...wait....

13. "If you aren't attracted to someone's gender what are you attracted to?"
A: Well, not pan or bi person, PEOPLE AREN'T JUST THEIR GENDER. What makes you attracted to people? Why are you assuming that I spend my time analyzing what I'm attracted to. I'm attracted to people. Not just men. Not just women. Not just non-binary people. People. Bam! Done analyzing. This reminds me of when people ask me....

14. "When did you know you were pan?"
A: When did you know you were straight? 

15: "You just have commitment problems, that's why you're poly, right?"
A: Well, it does take a lot for me to commit, but that's not it. Monogamy seriously stresses me out. Like, having someone be that territorial over me to the point that I can't explore relationships with other people seriously makes me anxious. But what if I meet someone really great and I can have a relationship with them that provides different things that I can't get out of my primary relationship? How can I just pass that by? It also seems to me that monogamy is based on this idea that love and sex are finite. Newsflash: love and sex aren't fossil fuels; we aren't going to run out of them. And so knowing that I have a lot of love (and sex) to give, being in a monogamous relationship doesn't make sense to me. There is no way I could share all of my love (or sex) with one person. Like that would be ridiculously smothering. I also don't expect someone to give me all of their love or sex (because again that would be ridiculously smothering and I'd probably want to kill them). And I don't want to rely on one person to provide for all my emotional, physical, and mental needs, and I certainly don't want to be the only person doing that for another. That's just so draining and unrealistic.
Also, you're monogamous because you have abandonment issues, right? 

That's all I can think of for now...
If you have any, feel free to comment!

I will not be silenced (TW rape)

I've had it. I'm officially really fucking pissed.
At you.
You know who you are.
You like to tell survivors and activists to censor themselves.
You say things like:
"When you say negative things about *organization/person* that reflects poorly on me because people connect me with you." 
"Why can't you just be polite? I'm not asking you to like them, but can't you just be supportive?"
"You're really not going to get anywhere being so angry."
"Individually, they're great people. Why can't you give them a break?"
"Well, they've only ever been nice to me. Maybe if you weren't so mean they'd be nicer to you."
Or any variation thereof.
First off, FUCK YOU.
Asking me to be NICE or to SUPPORT or to at the very least NOT SAY "NEGATIVE" THINGS about an organization that sheltered and supported and never kicked out my rapist is BULLSHIT.
My loud disapproval of organizations that support rape culture by being bystanders to rape and affiliating with rapists is NOT something that should be silenced. 
YOU should be silenced. 
YOU should reevaluate your relationships with people. 
YOU should ask yourself if you really want to be friends with a rapist. 
YOU should ask yourself if you want to be affiliated with an organization that implicitly condones sexual violence and misogyny.
YOU SHOULD BE QUIET.
not me. 
not the survivors. 
not the allies. 

The best way you can do good in the world is to not be friends with rapists or support organizations that foster rape culture. But if you can't do that, you can disaffiliate yourself from me (because chances are, I already don't associate with you).

Story of Self

A program I was applying for asked me to share my "story of self" as an explanation of my leadership and passion. I figured I might as well share it with the internet. 

Growing up, I was surrounded with noise. More specifically, I constantly heard yelling - the yelling of neighborhood kids, their parents yelling, my parents yelling - the noise of people trying to be heard. I tried to yell or cry or scream to be heard above the din. But when I was heard, the response was not always positive. If I voiced concern about my parents yelling, one or both parents would tell me not to be concerned, that everything was fine.

Maintaining the semblance of “everything is fine” remained with me as I grew older. I quickly learned that if I expressed that I was not fine, adults and my peers would not listen to me. Instead, they would panic and try to reassure me that I was actually fine. In my Bible class, if I said I was insecure in my faith, my teacher would tell me to simply silence my doubts. I pretended that I was able to do that while remaining agnostic internally. Looking back, I was constantly being told how to feel. The women in my life, as well as society, told me to be ashamed of my body. If I contested, they would simply point out the ways my body was not perfect. When I told my youth pastor that I thought the boys in my Bible study were sexist, she told me they weren’t, but that they were living biblical lives. I quickly learned to question my feelings and experiences. I learned to stop voicing my authentic feelings and experiences and instead parrot what I was told to feel and experience.

Eventually, I was not only lying to others, but also to myself. As I internalized the shame I was taught to feel about my body, I lied to myself (I’m not hungry, I’m not working out too much). As I listened to my family and community preach homophobia and heterosexism, I lied to myself (I don’t like her that way, I only like boys, it’s just a phase). I also watch my friends lie to themselves. When my best friend was bullied and called racial slurs, I watched her ignore the actions and even deny the attacks. She told me that she was fine. I did not know what to do, I was unsure if I should speak up for her since it appeared that she simply wanted to issue to disappear. In the end, I didn’t say anything.

Getting to college, I no longer had my family around to monitor my emotions. I was also in a more accepting environment than my socially conservative high school and family. Suddenly, I had friends asking me, “How are you? No, really, how are you?” There were people listening. They also taught me how to listen. My first year, I joined the cast of The Vagina Monologues and learned how to make an entire audience listen. Through positive experiences with friends as well as gender studies coursework, I grew more comfortable talking about my experiences. I unlearned the internalized lie: “I’m fine.” I was breaking my silence by becoming active in Greek Life and my Women’s and Gender Studies classes.

The beginning of the spring semester of my third year of college, I was silenced again. My protests and yelling “Stop” and “No” were not heard. I hated being silenced. No one was going to ignore me and my feelings. For a month and a half I fought to make my voice and experience heard working through the Title IX system and against efforts to silence me. Ultimately, my efforts worked as I had the perpetrator removed from school. However, I was not done being heard. A few weeks later, it was revealed that his fraternity was posting misogynistic and violent posts on their “secret” Facebook page. I joined a group of students to protest the fraternity in an effort to make sure that the administration held them accountable.

I also began speaking up for others. This year, I directed a show to replace The Vagina Monologues. This production, The Willamette Monologues, was completely student written and performed. Students, myself included, shared monologues about their experiences with heterosexism, racism, transphobia, sexual assault, and other experiences of oppression. I am continuing to speak against privilege.

Part of speaking up is also being silent. As a community, we need to take time to listen to each other, especially the voices of the marginalized. While listening, we must also take care to not invalidate the feelings or experiences of others. The only way to truly understand injustice in the world, is to either live it or listen to those with the experience. In order to combat injustice, collective action is necessary. Not only collective action, but also that the oppressed lead because if privileged people, the loudest voices, talk over the marginalized the privileged are not helping. Rather they are speaking for others and trying to save them. Leadership and social justice work is not about saving people; it is about lessening injustice and oppression. This requires an understanding that, if you are privileged, your leadership may perpetuate oppression. A classic example of this is the white mainstream feminist movement, especially during the “second wave.” These feminists thought they were helping all women when in fact, they were harming women of color as well as queer women. Social justice work must quiet the room so that the silent voices are heard.

Also, I recognize that I'm not always silent when I should be or I don't speak up when I should. I'm still learning and I apologize for any harm or hurt this has caused. 

And the last paragraph sounds like a bad high school essay because, let's face it, I was applying for a post grad program and they eat that shit up. 

An Open Letter to Straight People Advocating for Safe Sex

Hey there,

Let me start off by saying: I love safe sex. I talk about it all the time. The number of impromptu condom demonstrations, birth control discussions, and random sex talks I've had with people is a little ridiculous. I wrote my thesis on sex education. Safe sex and I are tight.

Which is why it makes me want to scream when all I hear about is how to have safe hetero-sex.

Do you think that only straight people have sex?
What do you think sex is? No, really, I want you to define sex for me right now.
If your definition involved the word penetrate, I'm going to ask you to sit the fuck down.

I'm really fucking sick of hearing about contraception as if the only thing we're trying to protect ourselves from are babies.
I'm also really fucking sick of only hearing about condoms.

I want to hear more about:
-dental dams (or even how to turn condoms into dental dams)
-latex gloves (you know in case you have a cut on your hand but would still like to pleasure your partner)
-lube (why the fuck aren't we talking about lube??)
-CONSENT

HOLY SHIT WHY AREN'T WE TALKING ABOUT CONSENT?!?!?!
And not just between straight folks. I mean between EVERYONE. For EVERYTHING. It isn't safe sex if you use a condom but didn't get enthusiastic consent (that's called rape...).

Also, RAPE DOESN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN WITH A PENIS. Why aren't we talking about that?

And just to put this into perspective, a lot of fucking things don't require penises.

I want to hear less about penises and more about pleasure and communication and understanding and respect. I'd prefer that if you don't know how to ask your partner what they want and how they want it, that you go take that fucking condom off. If you can't talk with your partner in a mature and respectful way about sex and wants and needs and triggers and boundaries than you shouldn't be having sex.

But where is that conversation?
Especially for the LGBTQ+ community?

Oh my dear straight ally so committed to safe sex and healthy relationships, do you think that LGBTQ+ folk are immune to abusive relationships? Do you think that those relationships have the same issues as straight relationships? Did you even think about LGBTQ+ people and their needs and wants? I'm betting you forgot about us.

I'm so fucking sick of all of this heterosexist, cissexist, borderline misogynistic bullshit I hear in the safe sex and healthy relationship conversation.

Where are the conversations for navigating relationships with partners with different value systems? Or navigating the relationship between a straight person and a pan or bisexual person (because trust me that is a whole trough of complicated fuckery)?

Dear straight person, I'm also assuming that you're monogamous. Have you even considered that not everyone abides by monogamy? That some people identify as polyamorous which makes our safe sex and healthy relationships look different from yours.

If there are so many different needs and wants and problems and questions that are outside of the heterosexual cis-stem, why the FUCK do I have to keep hearing the needs and wants and problems and questions of cis-gendered heteros?

Stop perpetuating this bullshit. I'm sick of it.

I'm especially sick and tired of it when people fucking TELL YOU that you're being heteronormative. When your ideas and programs are fucking called out for being heterosexist!
Yet you do nothing.
Even though you claim to be so open minded and an ally.
If you aren't going to do the work, then stop calling yourself an ally. You're an embarrassment for the rest of the allies that actually give a fuck and put in the work.
You can't be committed to equality if you never even consider (especially when you're called out on it) how your actions and words and even your fucking presence and the amount of fucking space you take up and the fact that you fucking monopolize a conversation that you aren't even part of but now you're in it because you fucking barged in and just sat down acting like you own it....how all of that fucking shit I have to see and deal with is actually harmful.

At first, I wanted to help you out. I wanted you to get better. I believe in the human capacity to change, and I still think that one day you will change. But you aren't. You're stagnant. And until you change completely and for the better, imma ask you to get the fuck out because you are suffocating me with your heterosexist, monogamist privileged, straight ass.

Take your condoms and your basic ass and leave me the hell alone.

Responses to things I'm tired of hearing

It's happened. I've reached the point where I can't just shrug off certain phrases that I hear on a fairly regular basis.
Last week, a guy hit on me while I was at work, and instead of just doing the standard, non-committal shrug and smile, I just stared at him with the cold, dead eyes of an unamused woman.
My maximum bullshit tolerance has been reached, and as such, I am providing some of my favorite responses to the most obnoxious pieces of bullshitery I hear. Some of the responses, I have used. Others are things I thought of later (I hate when that happens!).

1. "You're so pretty when you smile. You should smile more." Or any variation thereof. 
Ugh, you're pretty when you shut the fuck up. Or: I'll smile when you leave because then I'll be happy. Or that time when the cashier at Costco told me to smile and I said: "Well, I would but I'm pretty sure smiling is your job and not telling your customers what to do."

2. "I really couldn't care less that you're bi. It really doesn't mean that much to your personality." 
Fuck off. Also, I'm not bi, I'm pan, so go fuck off some more. Oh, and my sexuality means A LOT to my identity so when you say that you "couldn't care less," I'm taking that to mean that you couldn't care less about me as a person. Which means, you guessed it, FUCK OFF.
Oh and when I told said person this, his reply was: "Well, you're a bitch and that makes you a bad person, not your sexual orientation."
My response? A smile :)

3. "You're so pretty why don't you have a boyfriend?" 
Unamused face.
Oh, and thank you sooooo much for caring about my personality. Because apparently I'm a bitch.

4. "Have you ever considered being nicer?"
Yes, but then someone's an asshole and it takes way more energy for me to be nice than it does for me to be a bitch. If I need to apologize for said behavior later, I will. But I'm not going to alter my personality for someone who is acting in such a way that hurts me.

That's all I have for now...If you think of another insufferable phrase or sentiment that I didn't list here, feel free to let me know and I'll respond :)

OH...Oh YES...Baby

Oh baby, oh baby, yes, there. I hope you read that in the most monotonous voice possible because I'm going to share my thoughts on fake orgasms. Also known as false performance reviews.

As a cis-woman, this is coming from my experience with fake orgasms. I think I speak for a number of cis-women when I say that at some point we have faked orgasms. I'm also assuming that the hypothetical fake orgasm is occurring within consensual sex.

Let me begin with an anecdote of one time I faked an orgasm. The reasons behind this instance of pretend orgasming are representative of every other time I've faked it.

It was booty call hour (aka between 11 PM and daylight) and I was horny (we've all been there), so I contacted a guy that I was 90% sure found me attractive and was DTF. Now, I am not subtle. It's never been my thing. It's why I would make a horrible politician and/or spy. This is why my intentions for communicating became clear within the first 3 texts. Long story short, he came over. For further context, this was the first time I had sex with this person (and last *cough*) AND I hadn't had sex in about 11 weeks (but who's counting?). So, y'all can imagine how this went. Two overzealous, horny twenty-somethings with no knowledge of the other person's body having sex. It wasn't good. I tried resuscitating this failing sex in an attempt to get me an orgasm, but it wasn't working. After giving it my all, I had to admit defeat and let out a series of moans, pelvic thrusts, and the proper facial expression.

Why did I do this? Why didn't I just say: "Hey, I know you're trying really hard and that you're having a great time, but could you wrap this up? I'm just not going to orgasm. We can try something else, but we've been at this for awhile and I kind of want to go to bed. Thanks!"
Well, for a number of reasons:
1. The sex wasn't bad. Just because I wasn't going to orgasm didn't mean I wasn't enjoying myself.
2. That's a really awkward conversation to have while someone is inside of you.
3. And since this was the first time we were fucking, it was already pretty fucking awkward.
4. He seems like one of those guys that would get upset about not making me come. Like he was really trying. He was so enthusiastic and eager to please that I could just imagine his face drop at the realization that he didn't make me come. I'm a bitch, but I'm not completely heartless.
5. It takes less energy to fake an orgasm than it does to explain that you aren't going to come.

This brings up a number of points:
1. Orgasms aren't always the point of sex!
2. We (or at least I) need to figure out ways to communicate during sex without feeling awkward.
3. First time sex is awkward. But we have to overcome the awkward in order to communicate and have better sex.
4. Partners: it isn't the job of the not orgasming partner to make you feel better about the fact that they didn't come. While some partners are cool with that, I personally don't like babysitting another person's ego regarding their sexual prowess. I totally understand that it sucks when you can't get your partner off, but use it as a learning experience. Ask what you could do better next time and if the other person is ok with not orgasming. Also understand that just because your partner didn't orgasm, doesn't mean they didn't enjoy themselves.
5.  If you don't feel comfortable telling someone you aren't going to orgasm or wanting to put in the energy to explain why you aren't going to orgasm, you probably shouldn't be fucking the person you are currently fucking. So, I probably shouldn't have fucked that guy, but sometimes it's late at night, I'm horny, and kinda sick of using my vibrator.

Faking an orgasm isn't necessarily bad. It's not a good thing either. I think it should be used as a last resort. Usually I try to ask myself: "Do I want to put the energy into this as a way to increase my chances for better sex with this person later? If yes, use your words. If no, go ahead and fake it.

20 Things that People Do that Should be Celebrated, Not Shamed

This is a response to the article (if you really want to call it that) "20 Things Women Do That Should be Shamed, not Celebrated" on the website Return of Kings.

1. Understanding their sexuality. Sexuality is weird. It's complicated and messy trying to figure out what turns you on or what doesn't. If you are into having a partner or partners, trying to convey your desires is also super complicated. Especially if you are trying to communicate in a way that doesn't sound like a medical textbook. You want to know what helps people figure out sex (in the broadest sense of the term) and their sexuality? Practice. Solo practice, practice with a friend, practice with multiple friends, visualization, talking about it (with everyone), reading about it, watching it; the list can go on. Engaging with sexuality is something that should be celebrated. But instead, vagina havers especially, get slut shamed for experiencing their sexuality. If someone's sexuality deviates from "normal" sexuality (e.g. foot fetishes) they are mocked.

2. Loving their body no matter its size. Ok, I'm really fucking sick of hearing about/reading about how fat women loving their body are just putting on a brave face or other such nonsense. Let's break out of the mindset that beauty is a size 0. Let's fucking stop pinning thinspiration bullshit. Can we also stop posting about going to the gym or "clean" eating on Facebook? Working out and eating healthy are ONE WAY to love your body and that's great! Just don't do it to the detriment of people who love their bodies in other ways. For instance I love my body by spending as much time as possible naked (either alone or with others). Now, I could eat some kale whilst naked but I probably still wouldn't post about it on Facebook. And as a disclaimer, I regularly practice naked yoga but I don't tell the whole world (except for right now). So, I guess a compromise is that those of us who love our bodies in non-conventional ways that don't involve organic food or lifting/cardio, we should probably post about it on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Pinterest more.  Let's (equally) celebrate all the ways to love our bodies!

3. Loving food and admitting it. We live in a world where it's appropriate to be a "foodie" about certain foods or you can acclaim that being skinny tastes better than any food. Let's celebrate all food! In an ideal world, I can claim that I am a foodie about Oreos without people asking me if I know what a foodie is. Bitch, I know what a foodie is. And I know I fucking love Oreos. I try all the varieties of Oreos. I have social gatherings where all we do is try different kinds of Oreos (and no, we aren't stoned). Let's celebrate all the different foods that people love and not shame them by saying that they have immature tastes. *Also, I have always and still attest that Kraft Mac n Cheese is the best thing in this world.* And if someone from Nabisco or Kraft would like to pay me for this free advertising, I would greatly appreciate it. After all I'm so poor that all I eat are Oreos and Kraft Mac n Cheese.

4. Knowing when to ask for help. If there's one thing I kept from my evangelical, Bible reading days is that pride will fuck up a motherfucker (it's in the New Testament, look it up). Now, I won't go so far as to say that we should rely on a patriarchal construction of a deity to fix our problems, but asking for help from others or through welfare isn't a bad thing. Let's stop shaming single moms receiving food stamps because she apparently can't raise her own kids. Bitch, she probably is raising her own kids; being on food stamps does not mean that the fucking government is suddenly the baby daddy. Let's celebrate asking for help when we need it, even with little things (like when you don't understand your statistics homework).

5. Family! In all the ways that you can configure a family. Single parents, guardians, adoption, same-sex parents, siblings raising siblings, that weird conglomerate of friend/family that you form in your twenties, etc. Having love and support around you is a beautiful thing and makes life a lot less shitty. We shouldn't be shaming "non-traditional" families. We should celebrate that there are people in our lives who will love us no matter how much we fuck up. Because that's beautiful.

6. Stay At Home Parents. Stay home parents get a lot of shit. For some reason stay at home dads are either valorized or mocked. Stay at home moms are largely mocked and then held to some kind of weird housewife standard. It's like we forgot that these people are dedicating their lives to raising their kids and creating a safe and loving home environment. So stop shitting on them.

7. Self-Expression in whatever form. If you express yourself by wearing the entire MAC counter, go for it because I love what you're doing with your eyeliner (seriously, I have no idea how you do what you do and I'm in awe). If it means that you puffy paint the shit out of Dollar Tree mugs, go you! If you like to wear cat ears and a tail on days that aren't Halloween, you rock! Stop fucking shaming people because they don't express themselves like you do. I'd also challenge you to think if you are really expressing yourself by wearing those UGGS (and if you are, that's awesome! Your feet look so comfy!).

8. PETS! Going to college makes you miss pets. Pets are great companions. They cuddle with you and don't talk back (assuming that you have a cat or dog). Stop shaming people who "collect" cats. They just want companions and let's be honest, probably don't give a single fuck about what you think because they are fucking cat people and probably don't really like interacting with most people (which is an over generalization, but as a cat person I'm gonna stick to it until I meet a cat person who proves me wrong).

9. People who make, star in, and/or watch feminist porn. Now, I am in the "not all porn is bad" camp. I think that there are creative and innovative ways to "do" porn without it being misogynistic or violent. So, yes, let's shame mainstream porn and its fucked up standards and message. But let's celebrate the feminist porn which helps out all those visual, sexually active people (and people who want some creative sex ideas).

10. People who use birth control! I LOVE BIRTH CONTROL! I love: the shot, the implant, vaginal rings, condoms (male and female), IUDs, the Pill, the patch, EC, dental dams, and the research and development going into male "birth control." So I quoted the "birth control" after male because people keep forgetting that male condoms are technically birth control. Which is why I get pissed off when people talk about how unfair it is that men don't get birth control. Bro, you do. In fact, it's arguably the easiest to access birth control around. And it protects against STDs and HIV. If my IUD also protected me from STDs and HIV I WOULD BE SO FUCKING ECSTATIC THAT I WOULD TALK IN CAPS LOCK FOR A WEEK. Let's celebrate people who take charge of their reproductive life! Which means we shouldn't call them sluts and whores *cough Rush Limbaugh* (but I will say that I still enjoy calling the Pill "whore pills" out of spite).

11. People who don't give a fuck about body hair. And I mean outside of No Shave November. As a habitual body hair shaver, I give mad props to people who don't shave. I've been working on letting the whole hairy legs/pubic mound (because you don't fucking shave your vagina it's anatomically difficult/impossible)/armpits be a facet in my life, but I really like how my legs feel after I shaved (amongst other things...). Let's stop giving women shit when they don't shave their legs or other body parts. It's their fucking body, and they can shave if they want to.
*Honorary mention for people who don't give a fuck about other people's body hair.

12. People who are ballsy enough to take online dating seriously. I am someone who takes online dating not seriously (like I should probably just delete my account because I'm distracting from the people who actually want a relationship via the internet). Being so dedicated and understanding yourself well enough to know that you want a relationship and you will get one with whatever means necessary (just don't go all Kathy Bates in Misery, thanks) means being in a vulnerable place. People who online date are putting themselves out their hoping to find love (or a one night stand sometimes). Stop making fun of them (so I really should delete my account). Encourage them because in the end we are all just swimming around hoping to find someone who can tolerate us long enough to have sex and maybe stick around for awhile (I'm sooooo romantic).

13. Having a healthy body image. Yes, this goes back to loving your body. This also means not abiding by society's ideas of what "toned" looks like. And also loving your body no matter what it looks like because it's  fucking easier to love your body when it looks like societal perfection.

14. Being brave enough to leave a shitty relationship. You know what fucking sucks, realizing that you can't tolerate someone any longer even though you might be comfortable/have kids with that person/split rent in a really great apartment. You have to fucking start over. It's like when you get half way up to your apartment and you live on the fourth floor of a walk up just to realize that you left your purse in the car (Ok, so maybe break ups and divorce have more of an emotional punch). It takes energy and effort to leave someone. And if you actually love(d) them, it takes a lot of emotional energy. Let's respect the choice to end a relationship because chances are they aren't doing it for funsies.

15. Stepping up to take care of kids...especially when they aren't their own. As someone who fucking hates humans under the age of 10 (oooohhh it's such a cute baby, can I give it back to its owner now?), people who raise other people's kids, especially if they aren't blood related, is pretty fucking amazing. They are committing their life to a vulnerable, little human being that they, as the adult, have the responsibility to raise to make sure it isn't completely fucked up. *applause*

16. People who like to have a good time. Because they are creating jobs for people who work as bartenders, bouncers, DJs, taxi drivers, shot glass makers, tequila distilleries (how is tequila made?), Forever 21, Axe (ok, maybe that isn't good, but it's a job for someone), etc. These people have created an entire industry. Capitalism thanks you. They are also really great at cheering up the people who are brave enough to leave a shitty relationship. Of course, this should be celebrated as long as these people are safe and healthy in their actions. I'm not celebrating Jersey Shore.

17. People who try new things with their hair. Dude, they can be stuck with that for a long ass time depending on what they do to their hair. Yeah, hair grows back, but slowly and usually awkwardly.

18. People with standards. Not people with entitlement problems, but people with standards. Who know what they expect and what they deserve. This requires self-reflection and a deep thought process. It also takes a nice set of ovaries (let's stop using balls to mean bravery...) to demand that their standards be met. Don't shame people for being assertive about their needs. Celebrate them for knowing who they are.

19. People who enjoy sex no matter what country they are in. Not people who engage in "sex tourism" a la human sex trafficking. That's fucked up and needs to be stopped. I'm talking about meeting a great person in Sweden, hooking up with them, and then maybe continuing to exchange e-mails (that last part is so not required). Let's face it, these people have managed to overcome fear of not knowing someone superrrr well, trusting them not to be a serial killer (which is always a toss up no matter what country you're in), and then engaging in sexual activity with a potential language barrier (just make sure you've got the basics covered like "No" "Yes" "There" "Please" and "Clitoris").

20. Intersectional Feminists. Because they actively try to smash patriarchy, end oppression, and have to deal with a ton of bullshit at the same time.